Thursday, June 25, 2009

an angel & a king.

I'm taking a break from my usual public transportation angst. Three celebrities have passed away this week.

Before there was ever American Idol, there was STAR SEARCH.
RiP Ed McMahon.

Rest In Peace Farrah Fawcett.
You captured the hearts of America with this picture, and won us over as an angel.

And i'd like to remember the King of Pop at a good point of his career..

RiP Michael Jackson, you revolutionized an entire era of music..

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Fap Fap Fap?

Ok so this story is from a coworker, and it was just too funny to pass up...

"So here is a one two combo-

Friday morning I hit the San Antonio Caltrain stop to catch the 7.27 train so i can commute an hour and a frickin half to the city to work ( I'm an idiot i know).
I end up waiting 2 hours for a train that the announcer said was delayed because it had an accident with a car.

This destroys my Friday morning commute but is made up when.....
2 and a half hours later, riding the 45 to work at the Presidio, this homeless dude steps on the bus. 4 minutes later I hear the familiar chime of "no eating, drinking and smoking is permitted on Muni vehicles" Homeboy proceeds to announce to the world "No drinking, eating or smoking?????? WELL THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MASTURBATION!, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN THIS IS THE MASTURBATION BUS!!!"

This is only the beginning as he begins harassing every commuter that crosses his path when the Chinese gentleman driver hollers at him that hes on the wrong bus and to get ... Read Moron another one. He then shuts up knowing hes about to get kicked off, only to start throwing the peace sign and screaming i love you to everyone as he gets off at his stop. While on the bus i can hear him getting more excited and screaming "i love you's" to the entire Chinatown as he enters a dim sum place.
I was always under the impression that people in the bay were more intellectual."

Thanks to Jai =) Time to get the new Iphone so I can post videos when things like this pop up.

Friday, June 19, 2009

fashion police says,

I've been really busy with various things going on in my life. Well, to be honest - life is what happens when you're busy making other plans...Ahhh but I digress.

When I have a lot on my plate, I become reclusive. I turn to music. I sit on BART/Muni in a daze, immersing myself with my ipod.

I swear having an ipod has led to me developing music a.d.d. because I can't listen to a song for more than 7.50978906238 seconds until I decide I actually want to listen to something else - "the current song does not suit my mood!"

But when I do find my one song, I go back into my daze. You see, music does the same thing books do for me - take me away. Each song brings me to think of specific people, memories, feelings, etc. As I sit there and reminisce, I wonder what has become of them. But for some reason, I always think about that person's strongest attributes. When I think reflect fondly of someone, I remember something they are talented at.

I know people who are musically gifted, some who can cook like they are an Iron Chef, people who can master multiple languages, people who have photographic memories, awesome choreographed dancers, etc etc etc yadda yadda you get the picture right?

When I step off my train/bus, I usually get into an introspective mood. What is my talent?

Well, shit. I didn't have the patience or dedication to keep up with playing the clairinet or piano. I can't fix cars, i'm not ambidextrous, I can't sing for beans, I suck at dancing (even though I love to dance), I write like a poorly unstructurized amateur (because I am one)...

But I do know one thing -


photo credit: Miss Ortiz bus line: T 3rd Street.

Hey big [wo]man? Please don't wear those. Wutchu do, rob a nail salon!? Somewhere out there, a Vietnamese lady is sobbing because a fat tranny accosted her or her employees for salon sandals.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Johann Chen's shout-out

/blog .

Crotch Shot...

That is a beautiful sight, no not the crotch shot although that is still quite the beautiful thing in its own right. I'm talking about the space, its one of the special individual seats that you can get get on the muni... SCORE! except you now have to deal with the person behind you in my case it was a Hispanic lady that was blabbing on her phone in Spanish the entire ride home. Luckily I didn't mind too much since i grew up in Miami and it has been a while since I've heard that wonderfully romantic language... te quiero mucho...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Last night I took 3 buses to get to my parents' house. Let me just add that the trip from my office to their home is only supposed to consist of ONE bus. One.
At the station, it announced that the K was coming in 4 minutes. Well, it came. It even said "K Ingleside" on the front and sides of the train. I boarded.
We shot out the tunnel at West Portal and chugged our way along to St. Francis Circle. Then the bus driver stopped abruptly and announced that this was the last stop, the K had become a shuttle, and to wait for the actual K to arrive.

Thanks alot.

I waited. I waited in my heels. I waited in the fog. No K. By this time it's already 6:00pm. It had taken me an hour to get from the Civic Center to St. Francis Circle. Oh, then the M came along! So I boarded that. I thought i'd get off at Stonestown and transfer to the 29.
I stepped off at 19th and Winston.. To my horror, I saw the 29 already pull up to the stop.
Great. Now there won't be another one for at least 30 minutes! I have dinner at 7pm! I called my brother to see if he was able to pick me up - no dice. THANKFULLY ANOTHER 29 SHOT PAST THE NORDSTROM SIGN AND ARRIVED.
Good job Muni. Thanks. I salute you.

But while riding the M...

Muni is your personal compost bin. We are all just the shit decaying in it.

Story Time with Glitter Boobs...

Who the hell reads out loud on a bus full of people????? apparently this girl does with her black tights and glitter on her boobs yes i said it.... glitter boobs.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

begin rant.

My bus smells like urine. The stale urine smell like the sidewalks in the Tenderloin.

My Blackberry has a case. It also has a screen protector. From various angles, my screen is blurred and it prevents others from viewing the shittalking i'm spewing to my friends, what's going on in the world as I read the news (or mindless celebrity gossip on only the raddest fucking site on Earth), e-mails i'm replying to, etc. It makes my screen pretty damn dark, so whenever people need to use my phone they're like "what the hell!?"

Riding public transportation has taught me a lot. You see, I take public transportation every weekday. Sometimes, I take it on weekends. I've seen it all on Muni. People bawling their eyes out, picking their noses, scratching their asses, bleeding, masturbating (disturbing eh? not so unusual to me anymore), breastfeeding, on drugs, doing drugs on the bus, drinking booze, etc. I'm pretty sure you get the idea.

One of the greatest things i've learned is to try to stay away from others.
Isolate yourself. I am the lone wolf.

This tactic however, does not apply during commute hours. It gets packed. The bus is jammed. Like a can of sardines to put it plain and simple.

People spill their coffee on you.
People hit you with their purses.
Annoying students continue to wear their backpacks on their backs rather than place it on the floor. As a result, you get bashed in the side or the back everytime the bus jolts.
If you are lucky to have seat, crotches are thrusted into your face every couple minutes or so.
Sometimes you get stuck sitting next to a fat fuck. [entry on this @ later date]
Sometimes you get the young puppy love couples who fucking swap spit like there's no tomorrow tonsil hockey tonguing each other deep throating harder than Debbie doing Dallas never coming up for air.
Sometimes you get the tone deaf girls who insist on singing at loud decibels... Even though they sound like a dying raspy cat exploding with verbal diarrhea.

And sometimes, the nosy cheap bitch behind you decides to read your paper.

Lady, do the fucking economy a favor. Stop being a cheap ass. Support printed publications. Buy your own newspaper.

Monday, June 15, 2009

How to Pass Out out on the Muni....

This will be the first post of many... most will probably be the same involving bums, old people, and the wonderful fragrances they can produce. If you are not a germaphobe the SF Muni will be sure to make you one.

Just imagine a riding the Muni with the fresh summer morning air surrounding your beautiful face. The 43 is a great great bus since it takes you from Inner Sunset through the Haight all the way to the lovely Marina district and everything in between, that is my morning commute. As the bus approaches the last stop in the Haight I notice a monstrous sized seemingly green sleeping bag poke above the bus windows and immediately thought where the hell is the bum going to put that thing? Sure enough he had to pick the area where I was sitting, right next to the backdoor exit, yes the bum stuffed himself in the exit stairway. Uggghhhhhhhhhhhh the stench!!!!!! If it had a color it would be this yellow brown green acid puss bubbling from a decaying elephant. I seriously never smelled anything as horrid as that and attempted to throw up in my mouth a couple times as i sat gagging on the putrid pot of death that the bus suddenly became. The bum slightly redeemed himself after a old haggard Jabba the hut woman with a skin tight white t-shirt(that was slightly see through) got up. He attempted a smart ass comment basically saying that doing a little walk would probably help her fat ass... I chuckled a bit yes. That is a short lesson on how to pass out on the Muni, Happy riding.